Soul Searching Saturday #3: The Struggle to Have Everything (Motherhood vs Work)

In 2012 I became a mom and since then I've scoured the internet for articles and opinion pieces concerning whether women can be powerful in the workforce without sacrificing family.

The results of my search are dismal.

The more articles, editorials, and opinion pieces I read, written by women, the more I realize that "having it all" may be a pipe dream. I am a feminist, but I've recently learned through research that "feminism" is a dirty word in modern society. I believe in equal rights, equal pay and benefits for both genders, all races, and religions. And, I think that workforce productivity would benefit from better maternity and paternity leave policies. Some people tell me I sound like a dreamer, but these are my beliefs and nothing will change that. So, when I was researching for this post and found that more and more women were voicing that we cannot be both successful at work and have a fulfilling home life, I became worried.

As a stay-at-home Mom with special needs child, I worry about how to find a job that will be flexible enough for me to raise my son and earn enough money to live comfortably. I don't want for many things and my son has everything he needs. That doesn't stop me from wanting to go back to work as soon as possible to see the balance of my savings account rise from zero to substantial again. I want to be able to afford life insurance, to put money into a Roth IRA and 529 plan, and to buy a car so we can go to the grocery store without taking the bus or a cab home in the rain.

Seeing so many women discouraged and disheartened about whether or not they can have a family and be successful is sad. Why do we have to choose? Do we actually have to choose? Can there actually be a balance that accommodates both parts of life?

We shall see. Until then, I will keep searching for the perfect job(s) that will allow me to be the parent my son needs and the successful young professional I know I can be.

Until next time friends, peace, love, and green tea <3

~ Domo ~

Soul Searching Saturday #2: How to Survive Losing Someone You Love

I wanted my second post for this series to be a topic most people can relate to, so I'm going to write about loss.

Let me start off by saying loss is exhausting. Yes, exhausting.

Loss can be devastating for many reasons. While I'm only going to focus on losing someone you care about, other forms of loss can be equally as devastating. For example: losing a limb to an accident or disease, losing a friendship or romantic relationship, losing a wedding ring or keepsake of your child's could be equally as devastating as the loss of a person. The severity of your loss depends on how emotionally attached you are to the item or thing.

I am a firm believer that you do not need anyone to validate your feelings of loss. You are allowed to feel your emotions as intensely or as little as you please, as long as your emotions don't cause harm to anyone around you.

Loss was a very difficult emotion for me to comprehend. I lost a lot of family that were very close to me in a short period of time and every emotion I felt was intense. Being a teenager was already difficult emotionally, now coupled with these traumas, it was very easy to fall into depression and difficult to climb out of that hole.

To help others from making the same mistakes I did when I was at my lowest point, I've compiled some helpful tips, based on personal experience to help you cope a little better. 

• Don't Be Afraid To Grieve Your Loss
• If you feel like you need to cry, do so. Don't let your emotions build up over time because you will eventually explode and possibly not be able to handle yourself by that time.
  
• Talk To Someone
• If you feel like your emotions are getting the best of you and you cannot function in everyday life, find someone to talk to. Talk to a friend, family member, clergyman, teacher, or professional; Talk to someone that you trust will give you honest, helpful advice, and won't criticize, berate, or betray your trust.
  
• Find Happiness In Small Things
• When I was at my lowest point I found that walking outside and playing video games made me feel better. Sometimes just having the sun shine on your face and breathing cool, crisp air is enough to change your mood and state of mind. Being outside and seeing so much beauty around me made me appreciate that I was alive to experience these things.
  
• Volunteer or Just Help Others
• I volunteered for a few years and found that it made me appreciate what I still have in my life. I also began to feel better about myself because I gained more self-esteem by stepping out of my comfort zone and overcoming some social anxieties. It sounds so cheesy, but helping others actually can help to turn your prospective in a different direction. Bad things may have happened in your life, but helping someone else when they're in need creates an emotion that's almost stronger than grief.

Whether feelings of loss stem from a death, growing apart from someone, or are even cause by losing your job, your emotions are validated because you feel them.
Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to feel the way you feel.

So, those are my tips for helping to ease feelings of grief when you've suffered loss in your life. Please let me know what you think in the comments below. You can comment anonymously as of this post.

Until next time friends - peace, love, and green tea <3

~ Domo ~

Random Stuff: A New Book and Themed Posts for this Blog!

My Newest Book

Recently I purchased a book from Amazon.com titled Blog, Inc.: Blogging for Passion, Profit, and to Create Community by Joy Deangdeelert Cho. You can find this book by clinking the link above.

I have been reading it when my son is sleeping or playing quietly and I really like how informative it is. It's taking a while for me to finish this book because I have Adult ADHD. When words are closely spaced, like they are in this book, I'm unable to focus on just one line of text and all the lines begin to blend together. Eventually I will finish the book and post a review here.

Weekly Themed Posts

Since I've started reading Blog Inc. I've decided to follow some of the advice to make this blog authentic to me. I'm going to start posting three series about topics important to me and hopefully you will find them interesting.

• Little Eli Guy (Wednesday) - Posts about parenting, children's products and clothing, and balancing Motherhood with college and gaming.
  
• Domo's Music Domain (Friday) - Reviews of my favorite artist or song of the moment. The artists and songs are from different time periods, geographic locations, and speak different languages. I will also post links to where you can find their music and occasionally I will post a video, like I did with the Intro to JPOP post below.
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• Soul Searching Saturdays (Saturday) - Posts about life lessons I've learned so far and my views on the world because of that. Sometimes I'll have a guest post by or with my best friend.

I hope that you'll enjoy this blog and the topics I post. Remember, I can only post great original content if I have constructive criticism from my readers, so don't hesitate to leave a comment. (You have to be signed in to your Google Account to post. No Anon posts here. And yes, I know you can make a dummy account. I worked in IT.)

Peace, love, and green tea <3

~ Domo ~