How My ADD Went Undetected for 22 Years
After reading my last post, you might wonder how someone who had obvious signs of ADD went undiagnosed until college.
The truth is that I was clever at working around my disorder because I knew I learned differently than my peers. I had come up with solutions to help myself learn materials.
How I Worked Around My Disorder
• In college, when I needed to read large amounts of text in a short period of time, I would buy my textbooks in a PDF format and have the PDF program read the text to me.
• Whenever I was forced to used a physical book, I used highlighters or pen to mark which sections I had read to avoid reading the same paragraphs over and over again.
• I also took extensive notes and kept notebooks for each subject
• I used sticky notes for quick thoughts and ideas instead of stopping and taking a break during studying sessions. Doing this allowed my mind wander without losing track of what I was doing.
• I made lists for what I needed to accomplish daily, weekly, and monthly and had a friend or family member make sure I followed through.
• I asked for help with remembering dates when needed.
To many people this may seem like a great way of being an organized college student, but for me, it was a mechanism to combat my forgetfulness. It was the only way I could succeed in academia. When I didn’t follow even one step, I would spiral and began failing the course.
I am also an autodidact, a person who is self-taught. I found that traditional school didn’t teach to the style that helped me learn best. I frequently needed to come home and study entire lessons on my own because lecture and verbal repetition didn’t help me retain any information. It was as if I had not even attended class.
When I figured out how I learned best, which is kinesthetically (by using my hands and using my body to remember information), I would reteach myself using the textbook and incorporating real-life situations for comparison.
For instance, if I needed to write a paper on education, I would physically go and interview students and educators I knew, instead of reading and reciting text. If I could go into the field and find the information, it was much easier to find it online and satisfy my educator’s requirements.
I think the reason I went undiagnosed for so long was also because my quirks were never taken seriously. I was classified as an underachieving gifted person, a wasted potential, and a lazy person. People write you off for that and once you have that recorded on paper, it is difficult to escape the stigma.
Adult ADD Symptoms Can Mimic Other Disorders
I was also misdiagnosed with multiple disorders because of the tragedies in my life and that hid the true diagnoses of Dysthymia (long-term depression) and Adult ADD.
Depression can mimic many symptoms of Adult ADD, like inability to concentrate and perform in everyday life. Being depressed consistently since I was 12, which is when my father died, my ADD was masked by the cloak of depression.
I Decided to Remain Unmedicated
After being properly diagnosed, I was offered the option to take medication in addition to weekly therapy to help cope with both disorders. I didn’t want to take a medication. As a breastfeeding mother who had been non-medicated since 2007, I decided to continue coping with both my Dysthymia and Adult ADD without the use of medication.
After years of seeing commercials about injuries and deaths from the side effects of medications previously marketed to be safe, I decided that the side effects I could experience were worse than the state of both disorders.
People who watched me struggle over the years with my disorders questioned my judgment after I declined medication, but I know that if I take a medication that could possibly make me suicidal or more depressed, my son would be worse off. I can’t risk that. As someone who is stable ninety percent of the time, I think that I will just deal with that ten percent when it comes around.
Pros
I’m not a foolish person. I did consider the benefits to taking medication.
• I would be able to function more efficiently in everyday life, as a parent, and as a student
• I would feel more energized and upbeat
• I would be able to concentrate
These are all great reasons to become medicated.
However, in my case, the negatives outweighed the positives.
Cons
• I could no longer breastfeed my son, who thrived as a preemie because I breastfed him.
• I might suffer adverse effects from the medications:
o My depression could worsen
o I could become suicidal and try to harm myself
o I could suffer an allergic reaction from the ingredients
• I would be dependent on medication for my happiness
The risk of being suicidal is the main reason why I chose not to be medicated. I have experienced that side effect in the past and now that I’m a parent, I refuse to put any chemical into my body that would cause that reaction.
Having been stable for years, occasional therapy sessions, when I’m overwhelmed, are what I believe will work best for me.
In the next, and final post of my Mental Health Awareness series, I'm going to list a lot of resources I found helpful.
Please come back for the Mental Health Awareness Part III post next week. If you missed part one, you can find the link here.
As always, I am not claiming to be a Mental Health Professional. I am a person who has experienced Mental Health Issues first hand and wanted to share my experience. Please tell someone you trust if you are experiencing instability and feel you cannot handle it alone.
Until Next Time Friends,
♥ Domonique ♥
